This is the second installation of my posts about the 100 day project which started in the beginning of April. Rather than sharing every single day, I decided to only post every 10 days selections of my faves. You can also find more posts on this topic on my instagram account @giaaloha. I hope you will follow me here on the blog and also on my Instagram if you interested in all things paper craft and mixed media.
One of the experiences that I have had in doing this project so far is that it has stirred up a lot of emotions that I was not expecting. I feel as if I have unplugged some blocked energy inside my self and in doing so there was a clearing of sorts that has been taking place. One of the emotions is a feeling of loss that has to do with all of the time and energy that I spend in life doing things that are not art. I feel a profound loss that life is passing by, and so much has to be done for survival and to honor responsibilities that naturally eclipses creative time. But I also acknowledge that if I was suddenly able to spend 100% of my time creating I would inevitably have moments of creative block, boredom, and frustration for other reasons, the most salient one that comes to mind being deprivation in other areas. Maybe it would be in relationships or maybe in material things. I don’t know. But I am wise enough to realize that grass is greener fantasies are pretty useless.
Another emotion I have to describe as frustration with not being able to do things as well as I wish I could, which has a lot to do with not having as much time to dedicate to practice as I would like. But, perhaps, if I was able to spend a lot more time practicing I would still feel inadequate. The feelings of inadequacy are probably always there under the surface. Lastly, I think that I have been experiencing a profound search for meaning. When I am mindfully focused on doing something with my hands like painting, I feel at peace and I feel relaxed and I recharge my batteries. I feel connected with my soul. The only other time I usually feel exuberant is when I am having a spiritual experience which sometimes happens to me during prayer or other times while enjoying nature such as the beautiful beaches on Maui.
I am going to keep plugging away at this project if for no other reason than that it has been motivating me to go to my little art space on a daily basis and while I am there I linger and tinker on lots of different projects, not just this one. I think I am waiting for an epiphany of some sort that will lead me to making some revolutionary change in my life. But instead I just take one step at a time and keep living one day at a time.
I wonder if others participating in this project are experiencing a similar emotional roller coaster or a clearing in a similar way. I would love to find them if they are out there.